Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
