I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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