BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
