it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
