I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
