Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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