you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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