My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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