how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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