Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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