come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are the jesus of drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
