I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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