Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
