Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize