Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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