what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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