Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
