Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I FOUND THE LEGS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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