i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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