Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
