Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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