I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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