Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
accomplished twins. life is a go
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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