Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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