Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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