Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
