All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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