My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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