I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
