Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
