dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize