I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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