IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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