If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
