and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
