too bad you live with your parents still
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
