I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
