The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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