well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
