Screwed.edu
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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