Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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