i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
