I accidentally burped into my bong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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