listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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