real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
