You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
