I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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