Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't turn off my feet"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
