i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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