Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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