so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
