I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize