I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
