and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
