Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
