if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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