My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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