you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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