There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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