you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
