You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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