the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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