So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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